


Dove's Nest

by saer_huaC55



Series: The Black Swan [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blink and you'll miss it, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Drabble, Gen, It's Tokyo Ghoul After All, Repressed Memories, Running Away, Sibling Bonding, Trauma, Twins, but idk, it's all kinda vague but not really, mentions of abuse, no incest i don't vibe with that, not my best work but i had fun writing it, oh well, some themes in here might trigger some people, there might be plotholes, this is just for fun, this probably won't make sense unless you read the first part, this was kinda messy ngl, wait is that a spoiler, wow i actually continued this, wow posting is stressful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saer_huaC55/pseuds/saer_huaC55
Summary: Alternate title: Kaori makes a bad decision (Part One)
Relationships: Suzuya Juuzou & Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Black Swan [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895041
Kudos: 6





	Dove's Nest

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who's read the first part! I honestly didn't expect people to read it, let alone leave kudos, but thank you if you did! This one wasn't my best, but honestly, I'm just writing this for fun lol. Maybe one day I'll rewrite the whole thing and make it more fleshed out. For now, this is just a side project! 
> 
> Also, side note: this isn't meant to justify bad decisions or killing at all. You'll see in a bit, but the message got kinda confused as I wrote this fic. Either way, try not to take this too seriously.
> 
> Enjoy!

Life in the CCG was… strange.

In some ways, things were easier. Better, even. They got fed proper meals (Kaori had forgotten what a proper meal even was before that), they had a bed (she’d never slept in one before- were they all this soft?) and they even got books to study. 

Although, Juuzou didn’t seem that interested in his work. She found that weird since she loved learning new things.

Her favourite “subject” was ghouls. The Doves (a name she quickly learned she shouldn’t use in their presence) said that that was what Mama was. They also told her that they hunted ghouls because ghouls hurt people, and they didn’t want that to happen. 

“Ghoul Investigators,” that’s what they were called. Apparently she could enrol in some sort of Academy to become one. She wasn’t so sure about that yet, but Juuzuo seemed dead set on it. In his own way, of course.

In other ways, however, things were much harder.

First of all, people here were weird. Or just, different from what she was used to. She didn’t know what it was, but she and her brother were seen as “strange” around here. 

It would’ve been fine if they weren’t so blatant about it.

Some of them hid it better than others (though not good enough, since she could still tell) but the rest didn’t even try to mask their disdain.

Even the big tough investigators spoke up. One of them said her clothes were “inappropriate.” 

She didn’t understand what they meant by it. After all, these were the clothes Mama taught her to wear, so why shouldn’t she? It wasn’t as bad as…

 _Nope._ She never allowed herself to remember further than that. Hopefully, in time, those memories would be forgotten. 

That was another thing she was told, that she had an “unhealthy coping method” of trying to forget things (they called it _trauma_ but she didn’t think it was trauma) and that would hinder her later on. She didn’t understand what they meant by that; there were still some things she remembered. Like the fact that Juuzou was the older one. She wasn’t sure where she learned that, but she’d always known it to be true. 

When she told them this, they instead asked if she could recall anything else about “Big Madam,” which was what they called Mama. 

They got frustrated when she refused to remember anything, but she didn’t see it as much of an issue.

\---

_Her first impression of this place was that it was… empty._

_Bustling yet not. She had never seen a place like this before. The crowds she saw in the audience were always so enthusiastic; she knew that even if they were wearing masks. But this place? There were people, sure, but it lacked something._

_Or maybe it was because she was out in the open again. That was weird. Should it feel weird?_

_Whatever. She’d be happier here. She missed Mama, but she’d be happier here._

_Right?_

\---

As the days crawled by, Kaori was starting to slowly hate living here more.

Sure life was much better now- she could admit that life under Mama was painful, and there wasn’t much to miss- but life under Mama was the only lifestyle she knew. It was the one she was used to. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if everyone wasn’t expecting her to become an investigator. Even though most of the people here called them “strange” and “disturbed,” she and her brother were right on their way to becoming ghoul investigators. 

She didn’t have much of a say in it. They just enrolled her and that was that.

It wasn’t like she minded having to learn. She enjoyed it. And she didn’t mind having to dance- fight, she reminded herself- since she liked that too. But as a ghoul investigator, she couldn’t just capture the ghouls and put them in a cell. No, she’d have to kill.

And it didn’t matter how many times everyone insisted they were evil; she still couldn’t do it. 

( _Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?_ A voice whispered.

A chill went down her spine but she ignored it.)

\---

_One of the first things they made her do when she arrived was picking a name._

_She didn’t put much thought into it. After all, she already had a name; why bother changing it? But they said she had to have a surname, which she either didn’t have or couldn’t remember, so they gave her and her brother a week to choose one._

_Well, her brother did. She just went along with it._

_She helped out a little with choosing kanji and such. She already knew the kanji for her name, since Mama sometimes had it sewn on her clothes, but the name on Juuzou’s clothes was Rei._

_She wondered where Mama was now._

\---

Juuzou had tried assuring her that she wouldn’t have to kill anything; that he would do it like it was with Mama. But she knew that to succeed in the CCG, you had to provide results, and Juuzou wasn’t going to be okay with staying at the lower ranks forever. Besides, they might not even be paired together anyway.

Maybe it was foolish of her to not try. She was told that she had the potential and skill to be one of the best investigators, if only she wasn’t so hesitant. 

Oh well. That was their loss, not hers. They could try to change her and make her the perfect investigator, but they said they couldn’t do anything if she didn’t help herself.

She was only doing this for her brother anyway. 

\---

 _The first time she heard music-_ real _music, not the one she was accustomed to- she was drawn in._

_She had been fiddling with a strange device they had placed in their dorm room. They didn’t give them much (probably scared they’d find something to use as a weapon, which was stupid because they gave them real weapons to train with during class) but they had given them this big box thingy._

_It was rather old looking. There was a word for it, but she couldn’t remember what. Vintage? Ah, whatever; it looked old._

_They didn’t tell her what it was for, so she assumed it was like one of those mind toy fiddly things they gave her to play with. Not that she needed it- she was pretty sure it was for Juuzou anyway- but they were fun to play with._

_So, that’s what she assumed the old box thing (a radio, she later learned it was called) was._

_(Some people, later on, called her silly for assuming this, but what else was she meant to think? The thing had loads of buttons and knobs that were rather fun to play with so of course, she was gonna think of it as a toy. No one else had bothered to inform her anyway.)_

_One evening (or was it an afternoon?) she was fiddling with the radio while Juuzou hung upside down on the couch. The couch itself was dirty and dusty, but honestly, she was surprised they were even given one in the first place._

_(Mama would have a fit if she saw it though.)_

_She didn’t mean to turn it on, but she was glad she did. One press of a button and push of a knob and suddenly music was flowing through the air._

_Juuzou blinked, surprised at the sudden noise. He got up and padded over to where she was sitting on the floor._

_“Woah. What did you do?”_

_She tugged at her hair. “I dunno. I was just playing with it, and this happened.”_

_They shared a look that usually meant trouble for their superiors._

_He grinned. “Do you think it can play more?”_

\---

The more she learned about Ghouls, the more fascinated she became of them.

It had been two months since they’d arrived, two weeks since they’d joined the Academy, and three weeks since their birthday. While she disliked most aspects of her life here, she couldn’t deny that Ghouls intrigued her in many ways. 

She wondered what it was like to be one. 

Her teachers taught her that human food was practically inedible to them, which she thought was depressing. That meant they couldn’t eat sweets, right? That had to be sad. She loved sweets. Especially lollipops. And waffles. She wondered if anyone had ever thought to combine the two. 

She wondered if there were more sweets outside the CCG building. They never really allowed her to leave, which was fine since the place was huge, but she doesn’t remember being free to explore before. It’d be nice to see what it was like. 

Other people were allowed outside, why not her? 

Although, to be fair, it wasn’t like Juuzou was free either. They were stuck in the same situation, something she was accustomed to all her life. 

She didn’t know how much of this was true, but she heard that there were shops outside full of sweets. 

Maybe one day she could go there. One day…

Or maybe soon.

\---

When the next day came, she spent most of it watching those heading in and out of the building. 

She wasn’t _really_ gonna run. Was she? She wasn’t sure, but she planned just in case. 

It was actually pretty easy to walk out of the CCG’s Academy building, since the whole thing was just a school. The only thing she had to get through was this big wall. 

_It was easy;_ she might as well take advantage of it.

She tried talking herself out of it, but she didn’t see any reason to stay. Sure, there was her brother but she would only hold him back in the ranks. It would be _better_ this way, because then she’d get to explore while he rose the ranks. Or whatever he wanted to do.

(She didn’t consider the fact that the CCG might look for her since they always seemed to brush her off as a nuisance. 

Then again, they didn’t seem to see her as something to be disposed of either.)

\---

Regardless of what dangers she thought of, she still climbed over the stone wall when the guards weren’t watching.

It would be fine, right? Everything would be better this way, this was the right choice.

(It really wasn’t.)

**Author's Note:**

> None of the actions in here are justified. Also, I feel like I half-assed some of the stuff in here and it's kinda stressing me out. I keep having to remind myself that this is just for fun. 
> 
> Feel free to leave your critiques! And maybe comment and leave kudos? Idk I've never done this before and I feel bad for asking


End file.
